Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize
