The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
