just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Why is there bacon in the couch?
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
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