So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Randomize
