Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Randomize
