Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
