I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
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