I don't remember. Are we still dating?
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Randomize
