watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
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