Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
