He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Randomize
