I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
