Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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