I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
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