if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
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