Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Randomize
