Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
