Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
