I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
I wish you could order shots online.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Randomize
