my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
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