You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Randomize
