i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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