i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Randomize
