Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
The air taste purple.
Randomize
