We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
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