My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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