This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
