last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize