I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Dick very happy bro
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
