How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
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