he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
She just used a chaser for red wine.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
My dick has a subreddit
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
Randomize