i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Randomize
