my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
