Dude my mom stole all your condoms
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Randomize
