Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
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