So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Randomize
