Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
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