Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Randomize
