are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Randomize
