I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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