I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Randomize