at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
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