don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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