i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Randomize