is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
