i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
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