It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
be right there i have to get my cape
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
Randomize
