Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
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