Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize