I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
You're earring is so big in my mouth
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Another day, another engagement, another cat
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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