woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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