I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
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