I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Randomize
