Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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