the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Randomize
