When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
