sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
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