he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
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