the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
