Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Randomize
