I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Randomize
