i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
