yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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