After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
