You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
