Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
operation harelip BJ is a go
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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