Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
