just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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