i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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