He disabled his match.com account in front of me
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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