My brain says no but my pants say off.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Randomize
