Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize
