Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
