My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
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